Documentary

Slipped Away - Avril Lavigne Lyrics

In this song, Avril Lavinge pours her heart out, singing of a loved one that was lost. The connection I feel with this song is uncanny, I hope you see the relation as well as I did.

Works Cited

Youtube.com. Web. 23 May 2012. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=Ycdb7jUZNAU&NR=1>

•J. Kenneth Blackwell and Jerome R. Corsi Rebuilding America: A Prescription for Creating Strong Families, Building the Wealth of Working People, and Ending Welfare. Nashville, TN: WND Books, 20

Wallerstein, Judith. "Divorce Has a Lasting Negative Impact." The Family. Ed. Auriana Ojeda. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 2003. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "What about the Children?" Marriage—Just a Piece of Paper? Ed. Katherine Anderson, Don Browning, and Brian Boyer. Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2002. 92-105. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 23 May 2012.
06.

Tyre, Peg. "Fast Chat: The Secret Pain of Divorce." Newsweek 24 Oct. 2005: 14. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 23 May 2012.
"The Anecdote of Separation." Mental Health Weekly Digest 22 Mar. 2010: 284. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 23 May 2012.

Lifehouse Broken Lyrics

This song is a beautiful arrangement I think would be enjoyable to listen to while viewing the rest of my blog.

Argumentative Essay

Boyd 1
Aspen Boyd
Ms. McKoy
English II
18 May 2012
                                                            Argumentative Essay
 Abandonment.  Divorce.  Most times often than not, these two words coincide.  Both of these destructive actions cause terminal damage to both the child of the adults, and the relationship between the parents and their children.  Over the course of my research, I have discovered many resources to help me prove my point to the public.  I have cited information from Judith Wallerstein, a world renowned family researcher and author of a landmark study that presented the long term negative impacts of divorce on children.  There was also a survey conducted by myself on a Google Document, asking questions about what they thought the negative impacts of divorce, separation, and abandonment were.  The questions were directed to both girls and boys within the ages of thirteen and nineteen.  Their identities were kept confidential; I believed that if they thought I did not know who they were, they would respond more honestly.  Graphs were also collected and cited to also contribute information to my research. 
 The reason I chose this topic of divorce and abandonment is because of my mother.  Role model?  Not even close.  My mother, Amy, was always a bit unstable, she was wild and care free.  Amy was very much the free spirit.  She is a good person, I know this; however, to me, she is not a good mother.  Amy became pregnant with me when she was eighteen, a teen mom.  Neither her nor my father were ready for a child, they were both only teenagers who still had their lives ahead of them.  In direct result of them getting pregnant, they decided to get married.  Both my parents knew they were not ready for a baby, or a wedding.  Sure enough, a few months later, after I was born, Amy and Shane, my father, divorced.  Little did they know how much of an impact this would have on me for the rest of my life.  I have one picture of the three of us together.  When I was younger I used to think that it was all my fault; that I had done something to push her away.  As I was researching, I found that many kids feel the same way.  My question is, “What are the long term negative impacts in direct result to divorce and parental abandonment?”
In Dictionary.com, abandonment is defined as “to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert”.  Divorce is defined as “a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, especially one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations”.  While these may be textbook definitions, I do not believe that such things can be literally defined by a dictionary.  In order to understand the full effect of these words, you must have gone through it, experienced it, felt it with your heart and seen it with your own eyes.  There is no definition to define the way your heart feels after realizing that your mother, the one person in your life counted on to always be there, to hold you when you cry, and laugh with you when you’re happy, has left you. 
Divorce and abandonment affect a child socially.  The negative impacts brought on by these two factors affect the child in a psychological way.  It leaves an imprint on the child’s brain, causing them to sub-consciously think that they cannot have a functional relationship.  In “Divorce has a Lasting Impact” by Judith Wallerstein, she is writing a review for a study that she conducted, studying children and the direct results of the divorce or the abandonment of the parent.  “We had largely middle-class children who had never been hungry in their lives, who were suddenly afraid that they would starve to death, that they would wake up in the morning and there would be nobody to take care of them.  They were overwhelmed with frightening fantasies that had to do with the fear that the scaffolding of their lives was collapsing under them.”   Wallerstein, Judith. "Divorce Has a Lasting Negative Impact."  The Family, 2008. Web. 21 May 2012. <http://wfxsearch.webfeat.org/wfsearch/search>.  This is evidence that what a child goes through after losing a parent is not just a phase.  Abandonment and divorce are serious actions that come with dire consequences that lead to the downfall of the child involved.
Guys and girls have different reactions to the consequences of life.  While the typical response for a girl might be thought to be a pity party and a cry fest, guys are thought to be tougher, taking out their anger, hurt, and disappointment on sports or through violence.  With this research, I wanted to go beyond the stereotypical thoughts of people.  I know that while there are some aspects in which a guy and a girl respond in the same manner; however, I wanted to know if this really was the stereotypical thought of people.  In my self-conducted survey, I asked the respondents what they thought.  I provided a list of outcomes that they could check off for both girls and boys.  When I collected the results, over seventy-five percent of my respondents did indeed have they stereotypical thoughts of the negative impacts of divorce and abandonment.  What I noticed; however, is that the one person who was abandoned, or knew someone who was abandoned, did not give me all the same typical answers.
Abandonment and divorce are not matters to be taken lightly.  Most times when a divorce takes place, the good of the child is not even considered.  The parents think that it would be good for themselves, then telling themselves that it is better for their child too.  This is not the case.  Divorce, abandonment, and simply the absence of a parent take a great toll on the child involved.  Without thinking about it, the parent has just scarred their child helped create a factor in which to ruin their relationships later on in life.  In “Divorce hurts Children” The Family proceeds to tell us, “Adults choose to divorce, then, not mostly to escape from violent hellholes, but because they are lonely, bored, depressed, dissatisfied.”.  The Family, 2008.  This quote is proving my earlier statement that the parents are only thinking of the good of themselves.
This topic is extremely important to me, as well as to all the other children and families in the world.  With over fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce, adults need to realize the consequences of permanently separating and tearing apart their families.  Through my essay and my research, I highlighted what I thought to be the most important facts and information of divorce and abandonment.  There is a personal connection that ties me to this topic, my own mother.  I really wanted to research, and learn more about the issue and the lasting negative impacts it leaves.  I know for me, I hide everything.  My emotions, especially ones about my mother are buried so deep in me that every time I take time to think about my situation, I break down.  Sometimes it is hard to deal with because all any of my friends, family, or teacher’s see of me is the façade that I put on.  As it turns out, this was one of the outcomes.  I also learned that by doing this, I am digging a deeper hole of depression and anxiety to deal with later.  Another lasting impact that has affected me is depression and anger.  The depression is usually brought on by stress.  The anger is useful, especially with my involvement of contact sports.  However, it hurts, it hurts my heart to remember that my mother has left me and has no intention of rebuilding the walls that she destroyed.  I hope that my research sends a message to everyone reading it that this is serious, divorce and abandonment affect lives forever, there are consequences for everything, and none are to be taken lightly.

Article Two

DIVORCE HAS A LASTING NEGATIVE IMPACT
THE FAMILY, 2008
Summary:
     In this article, Judith Wallerstein, a family researcher and author of a landmark study that presented the long-term negative impacts of divorce on children, is back to inform us of more information as to how divorce leaves children damaged for life.  Wallerstein takes us through different stages, how the children react as a child, up to how they act and what kind of effects were left with them as adults.  As a research experiment, Judith and her colleagues took children ages three to sixteen and studied them.  A year later, they re-interviewed the same children to check on their progress.  The discoveries they made were impressive. Where they had thought that the youngest would cope very easy, they were wrong.  Parents of the young children would receive phone calls from school informing them that their children were acting out, getting in fights, and being disruptive in class.  The older children act similar.  Some of them stopped interacting with others, keeping to themselves and not socializing.  Because of all the bottled up anger, the teens began to take out their anger on people who usually didn't deserve it.  This caused a stream of un-healthy relationships to be formed, causing an even larger amount of anger, stress, and sadness to come down on the child.  Judith goes on to tell us how, in her studies, she discovered that some of the children who grew up into young adults, wanted to change.  Around their early twenties, they had to start disassociating themselves from the failed man-woman relationship that was their parents.  This is the time when they decide to give themselves another shot; realize they are not their parents, that they can have a functional relationship, both with friends and romantic relationships.  However, not every young adult felt that way. Some of the people who were observed had been so negatively impacted by the toil of their parents messed up relationships that they had already decided that they could never have a good relationship with anyone, because they were going to be just like their parents. 
     Not all, but many of the adults who had been left by their parents, or had to endure the fighting and arguing of their disastrous relationship, ended up being frightened by happiness.  What Ms. Wallerstein meant by this was that the better their lives were, the better the job was, the better their love life, the more afraid they would be that disaster would strike suddenly.  These young men and women who suffered with a residue of symptoms were so used to turmoil and tragedy, that they are not used to the joy and happiness that comes with life.  These people believe that nothing lasts forever-after all, their parents did not last forever.  Judith Wallerstein believes that this is caused by the fact that the children did not expect the divorce or separation of their parents.  It came unexpectedly, one minute, they had two loving parents, the next, their world was turned completely upside down.
     Wallerstein goes on to conclude that while divorce or separation may take a turn for the better in the lives of the adults, it is a whole different story in the lives of the children.  For the adult, it is a new start, a fresh canvas.  For the child, it is a crash and burn, a black, shredded canvas.  It is the loss of a family, and there is no remedy for a family that has been lost.

Documentary Three

In this documentary, we are taken through the lives of three teenagers who have grown up with absent fathers, and how they have had to deal with the fact that their male role model figure was never there to support them.
"Respect!: Absent Fathers, Effects on Youth." 13 Oct. 2009. Web. 7 May 2012. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=gmQZJrjWjkM>.

Documentary One

In this video, the man is showing the obvious jitters of having to face his fears and confront the man who left him when he was only 5 years old.  This video is a perfect example of how divorce and abandonment can damage a person long term-even after 33 years apart.
 AWWMF. "A Week With My Father." YouTube. YouTube, 21 Apr. 2009. Web. 07 May 2012. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc9sLdL88is>.

Documentary Two

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 This video is very touching. It shows a young girl who experienced abandonment first hand, and how it changed her life. She is diagnosed with depression, and constantly feels like she cannot measure up. Many children feel this way who have been left behind. She takes us through her life and all the struggles she has endured. She also shows us that it is never too late; never give up.

Reason Behind My Topic

     My parents.  They aren't perfect, but then, who's parents are?  My parents and their decisions are what have inspired me to write this blog.  My parents were young teenage parents, who made young, teenage mistakes.  I love my parents, but I hate what they did to me.  They were not ready to get married, most teenagers aren't.  However, when I came along, they thought it would be best for me.  It wasn't very long until the chaos settled in.  My mother a party girl, my father enrolled in the Coast Guard.  Their differences were unsettle able, opposites no longer attracted.  Because of my parents decisions, I spent most of my time with my grandparents.  I lived on a cold hot dog and Cheese Puff diet.  Soon enough, my parents reached their breaking point with each other.  They settled on divorce, pretty much the only thing those two had agreed on in ages.  They decided the court date to determine who I would be living with from now on. When the time came for the court date, my mother never even bothered to show up.  The first in a long line of abandonment from her.  My grandmother ended up being the one to have to call my father and tell him that my mother was out of control, and that he had to come and get me. 
     I want to research the damage that divorce and abandonment leaves on a child.  I remember, and still experience the hurt of my mother not caring, not calling on my birthday, no presents and family Christmases.  All normal things that normal kids get to have. My mother had the chance to win custody of me, to have me in her life, and she threw it away.  My mother and I haven't seen each other in years, I'm to the point where I only remember the basics of what she looks like and how her voice sounds.  It breaks my heart to know that there are millions of kids out in there in our country that are having to go through the same things I am.  What I am hoping to achieve with this blog is to let other teens know that they are not alone in the struggles they face, that there are people out there who share your hurt and share your confusion.  By researching the effects of divorce and abandonment, I hope to show not only teens, but also adults that the choices you make today, effect your life tomorrow.

Essential Questions

This blog is centered completely around parental abandonment, and how it can effect children long term.  Over half of marriages end in divorce, which often leads to the separation of parent and child.  What that parent does not realize however; is that the absence of that parental figure can emotionally scar their child for life.  Being abandoned causes the child to struggle socially, mentally, and even physically.  These are just a few questions that I will be answering in my blog.

1. How does divorce/parental abandonment effect a child long term?
2. Does divorce/parental abandonment effect boys and girls differently?
3. Is abandonment a wound that can heal through therapy?
4. How many children per year experience either divorce or parental abandonment?
5. What is the percentage of marriages that end in divorce?
6. How does divorce/parental abandonment effect a child socially?
7. What are some of the main causes of divorce/parental abandonment?

Summary For Article 1: "Echos of Breakup"

     In this article, the author, Judith Wallerstein is researching the long term effects of divorce on children.  In her research, she surveyed 1,500 young adults.  Half of those adults had experienced the separation of their parents.  Ms. Wallerstein also surveyed kids a few years after their parents divorce.  She recorded the behaviors and mind sets of the children. Most of them were either sad or angry.  Then 25 years later, she interviewed the same "kids" as she did all those years ago.  Ms. Wallerstein discovered that many of the grown children grew up to get married.  However, to her surprise, she found that the kids she had interviewed grew up being terrified of their spouses leaving them.  Ms. Judith Wallerstein said that with one woman she had interviewed, she discovered that the woman would often take small problems way out of proportion.  In one example, the woman and her husband had had a dispute over something trivial.  When her husband left for work afterwords, she believed that he was going to leave her.  Using this example, the author is informing us of just one of the many tragic outcomes of parental abandonment.  In each of the articles i found, there was something new to be learned.  In this article, it was that even though it may not seem as if the loss of a parent is affecting you now, somewhere on a subconscious level, the hurt and pain is there.  Building up all this sadness, and sometimes anger, can also be a key factor in how abandoned kids grow into mature young adults.  Without proper examples on how a stable, structural home life is supposed to look, these children are doomed to make the same mistakes their parents did.  Doing this only makes it harder on the child.  Most children whose parents left them swear to never be like how their absent parent was.  However, if they do not know how to give their children a stable, calm, and structural environment as their home life, the same thing that happened to them as a child, will happen to their children.

Works Cited: Kantrowitz, Barbara. "Echoes of the Breakup: In her latest book, a psychologist takes another look at the long-term effects of divorce on children." Newsweek 4 Sept. 2000: 48. Gale Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 30 Mar. 2012

Graph





 This pie chart is showing the types of child abuse in the United States in the year 2010. The blue section represents Physical Neglect, or abandonment. This chart is answering the question that I asked in my hypothesis: "How many kids are affected by abandonment or divorce?" It also has other facts that relate to the issue of abandonment such as abuse, mental maltreatment, and medical neglect.

  "Topic 1: Recognizing Child Abuse and Neglect—Definitions and Indicators." Topic 1, Introduction. Web. 07 May 2012. <http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/cps/mandated_reporters/cws5691/topic1.html>.