Argumentative Essay

Boyd 1
Aspen Boyd
Ms. McKoy
English II
18 May 2012
                                                            Argumentative Essay
 Abandonment.  Divorce.  Most times often than not, these two words coincide.  Both of these destructive actions cause terminal damage to both the child of the adults, and the relationship between the parents and their children.  Over the course of my research, I have discovered many resources to help me prove my point to the public.  I have cited information from Judith Wallerstein, a world renowned family researcher and author of a landmark study that presented the long term negative impacts of divorce on children.  There was also a survey conducted by myself on a Google Document, asking questions about what they thought the negative impacts of divorce, separation, and abandonment were.  The questions were directed to both girls and boys within the ages of thirteen and nineteen.  Their identities were kept confidential; I believed that if they thought I did not know who they were, they would respond more honestly.  Graphs were also collected and cited to also contribute information to my research. 
 The reason I chose this topic of divorce and abandonment is because of my mother.  Role model?  Not even close.  My mother, Amy, was always a bit unstable, she was wild and care free.  Amy was very much the free spirit.  She is a good person, I know this; however, to me, she is not a good mother.  Amy became pregnant with me when she was eighteen, a teen mom.  Neither her nor my father were ready for a child, they were both only teenagers who still had their lives ahead of them.  In direct result of them getting pregnant, they decided to get married.  Both my parents knew they were not ready for a baby, or a wedding.  Sure enough, a few months later, after I was born, Amy and Shane, my father, divorced.  Little did they know how much of an impact this would have on me for the rest of my life.  I have one picture of the three of us together.  When I was younger I used to think that it was all my fault; that I had done something to push her away.  As I was researching, I found that many kids feel the same way.  My question is, “What are the long term negative impacts in direct result to divorce and parental abandonment?”
In Dictionary.com, abandonment is defined as “to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert”.  Divorce is defined as “a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, especially one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations”.  While these may be textbook definitions, I do not believe that such things can be literally defined by a dictionary.  In order to understand the full effect of these words, you must have gone through it, experienced it, felt it with your heart and seen it with your own eyes.  There is no definition to define the way your heart feels after realizing that your mother, the one person in your life counted on to always be there, to hold you when you cry, and laugh with you when you’re happy, has left you. 
Divorce and abandonment affect a child socially.  The negative impacts brought on by these two factors affect the child in a psychological way.  It leaves an imprint on the child’s brain, causing them to sub-consciously think that they cannot have a functional relationship.  In “Divorce has a Lasting Impact” by Judith Wallerstein, she is writing a review for a study that she conducted, studying children and the direct results of the divorce or the abandonment of the parent.  “We had largely middle-class children who had never been hungry in their lives, who were suddenly afraid that they would starve to death, that they would wake up in the morning and there would be nobody to take care of them.  They were overwhelmed with frightening fantasies that had to do with the fear that the scaffolding of their lives was collapsing under them.”   Wallerstein, Judith. "Divorce Has a Lasting Negative Impact."  The Family, 2008. Web. 21 May 2012. <http://wfxsearch.webfeat.org/wfsearch/search>.  This is evidence that what a child goes through after losing a parent is not just a phase.  Abandonment and divorce are serious actions that come with dire consequences that lead to the downfall of the child involved.
Guys and girls have different reactions to the consequences of life.  While the typical response for a girl might be thought to be a pity party and a cry fest, guys are thought to be tougher, taking out their anger, hurt, and disappointment on sports or through violence.  With this research, I wanted to go beyond the stereotypical thoughts of people.  I know that while there are some aspects in which a guy and a girl respond in the same manner; however, I wanted to know if this really was the stereotypical thought of people.  In my self-conducted survey, I asked the respondents what they thought.  I provided a list of outcomes that they could check off for both girls and boys.  When I collected the results, over seventy-five percent of my respondents did indeed have they stereotypical thoughts of the negative impacts of divorce and abandonment.  What I noticed; however, is that the one person who was abandoned, or knew someone who was abandoned, did not give me all the same typical answers.
Abandonment and divorce are not matters to be taken lightly.  Most times when a divorce takes place, the good of the child is not even considered.  The parents think that it would be good for themselves, then telling themselves that it is better for their child too.  This is not the case.  Divorce, abandonment, and simply the absence of a parent take a great toll on the child involved.  Without thinking about it, the parent has just scarred their child helped create a factor in which to ruin their relationships later on in life.  In “Divorce hurts Children” The Family proceeds to tell us, “Adults choose to divorce, then, not mostly to escape from violent hellholes, but because they are lonely, bored, depressed, dissatisfied.”.  The Family, 2008.  This quote is proving my earlier statement that the parents are only thinking of the good of themselves.
This topic is extremely important to me, as well as to all the other children and families in the world.  With over fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce, adults need to realize the consequences of permanently separating and tearing apart their families.  Through my essay and my research, I highlighted what I thought to be the most important facts and information of divorce and abandonment.  There is a personal connection that ties me to this topic, my own mother.  I really wanted to research, and learn more about the issue and the lasting negative impacts it leaves.  I know for me, I hide everything.  My emotions, especially ones about my mother are buried so deep in me that every time I take time to think about my situation, I break down.  Sometimes it is hard to deal with because all any of my friends, family, or teacher’s see of me is the façade that I put on.  As it turns out, this was one of the outcomes.  I also learned that by doing this, I am digging a deeper hole of depression and anxiety to deal with later.  Another lasting impact that has affected me is depression and anger.  The depression is usually brought on by stress.  The anger is useful, especially with my involvement of contact sports.  However, it hurts, it hurts my heart to remember that my mother has left me and has no intention of rebuilding the walls that she destroyed.  I hope that my research sends a message to everyone reading it that this is serious, divorce and abandonment affect lives forever, there are consequences for everything, and none are to be taken lightly.